How to connect the dots...

Statistically speaking 39% of those reading this post have been in a counseling relationship in the last 2 years. 54% of us inour lifetime will seek counseling .  Despite this, the stimgma remains that manyfeel counseling is only beneficial for the times of trauma or those at  breaking point situations.  While these are both situations that warrantcounseling, what we try to do at Bridges Counseling of Worthington is proactively help individuals in advanceof the breaking point. The great thing is- we each have the ability to have a role in helping this too.  We don't have to say "you need help- get counseling...."  Consider these stories and how loved ones spoke up in times most needed.

To illustrate this, we want to share the story of some recent clients who have come to us.  (** All names have been changed to respect confidentaility.  And all clients have granted permission to share their story.)  

Client #1 - We’ll call her Sarah.  Sarah was not at the breaking point. She hada pretty decent life.  Like many of our clients,  Sarah is married, employed, a mother and involved in thecommunity.  Also like many, she sought anoutlet to talk about stress in her life. That first outlet was her co-worker Kathy.  Sarah was sharing with Kathy some storiesabout what was going on at home.  This ispretty common.  We share with co workersover lunch or in the hallway the ups and downs of day to day. Nothing wrongwith it- it’s even healthy.   Sarah wasn’twrong in her conversations with Kathy, but after hearing the same thing 2 or 3times from Sarah, Kathy- who knows of our office- was courageous enough tomake the introduction possible.  Here’show.  When Sarah shared the same storyagain about a home struggle, Kathy told her that she cared about Sarah andwanted to help but felt she wasn’t the right person to do so but she knewsomeone who she would suggest.  Itstarted with her handing her our card.  Aweek later she followed up at lunch to ask if Sarah had reached out to our office.  She hadn’t yet but with encouragement, shedid.   And now, Sarah has been working with one of our counselors forabout 5 months. She is not the same person who walked in the door. She’shappier. More confident. Less stressed. Her relationship with her husband is stronger. She feels she’s morecapable at work and happier at home. Without the introduction from Kathy, Sarah wouldn’t be on the path she’son now.  And she reports her lunchtimeconversation is much more upbeat with Kathy – which has helped their friendshiptoo!

Enter client #2.  We’llcall her Emily. From the outside Emily has it all together.  Straight A student. Good family.  Involved with multiple sports where she’soften the MVP or leading scorer. Smile on her face.  Good friends. Pretty.  Nice.  Well liked. She’s got it all right?!   We wouldthink so too until Emily walked in, shuts the office door, sits down and starts to cryand can’t stop.  Emily has pressure tosucceed.  She’s overwhelmed with the factshe’s never failed. She’s overwhelmed with college applications and fear ofletting others down and fear to let herself down.  She’s more than aware that she can’t continueto run at 150%   but scared if she stopsthat she doesn’t know what to do. Failing is not an option, but she admits that she wants to live her lifeand stop the merry go round of constant pressure she’s on now. She doesn’t’know what she wants, why she wants it and who she wants it for.  Emily came to us because her mom asked how shewas and Emily broke down that everything was too overwhelming and she was afailure and couldn’t do anything right. Emily’s mom shared this with a friend wholistened and then suggested compassionately that she would recommend Emily find aplace to unload all of this and work back to finding herself and her peace. Thefriend connected Emily’s mom and our office via an email. It was brief and one linethat just said “I want you to meet my friend who I CCed on this email.  I love her and I love her daughter.   Ithink you could really help them.”  Themom and one of our counselors connected, Emily came in and progress has started.  She has worked through a lot on her own, but alsobrought her parents a couple times to help their communication at home.  Emily has been accepted to a college of choice,she has stepped back from some of her activities that she wasn’t trulypassionate about, she has reduced her stress, and found a place to  sort out everything she’s feeling during theoverwhelming years of being a teen.   

Final client story we'll share today.  We’ll call him Brad.  Brad is married. Has a good job.  Wife has a good job. Married 5 years.  Brad called because he had just signed alease on an apartment and was planning to move out and tell his wife he wanteda divorce that night.  He told his buddythis on the golf course that day and his buddy (a former client of ours) toldhim before he moved, he needed to call for counseling.  He gave him the number on the course and madeBrad call before they went to the next hole.   Bradand his wife didn’t have a bad marriage. There was no wrong doing.  He wasjust unhappy and had been for a few years. Brad came in for a session and we quickly learned he didn’t want adivorce. In fact he very much wanted to be married to his wife- but he had beenso unhappy the last couple of years (but never told anyone and admitted fromthe outside they were the Ken & Barbie couple) that he didn’t know how toget to a truly happy place so divorce seemed like the only option.  Brad and his wife started counselingtogether.  We found they both were notthrilled with the marriage but wanted to be. They worked hard on their independent goals, their vision together,their communication and worked toward having the marriage they wanted.  It wasn’t quick and it took work. Brad didmove out for a few months to that apartment to give them both space as theyworked on their marriage, but he broke the least 3 months in and moved back inand can’t believe they ever considered divorce. They’re happy, have strong communication, are involved with one anotherin ways they never were before.  Whilethey got through the rough point through counseling, they’re actually stillcoming to counseling once each month as a “check up” to ensure they stay on theright path and use it as a booster shot they say.  They start their evening with counseling and then go out on a date after.  They've been doing their counseling date nights for the past year.  They just shared last week that they’reexpecting their first child at the end of this year! 

None of these people were at breaking point or victims oftrauma. None of them are facing mental illness. These are our colleagues, friends, neighbors and family.  And these are just three clients who havecome through our doors.  And all of themare clients who may not have come if they weren’t referred by someone who caredenough about them to connect them to help.  

Just aswe refer any other business in the community (realtors, car dealers, cleaners, laundry service, contractors)- we do so because we care aboutthe person we are referring and we believe in the business we are referringto.  We want to connect a need andsolution.  And we do so because wecare.  There are people in all of ourlives (39-54% of them actually) who may be looking for a way to connect the dots but aren't sure how to do alone. But each of us can help connect the dots!