Holiday Tips....for the introverts

Cue to song...."It's the most wonderful time"......to feel overwhelmed!

For an introvert the thought of sleigh bells can be lovely....if enjoyed quietly without chaos.  The idea of a holiday meal can be wonderful....without the requirement to be hugged and surrounded by everyone and make small talk for hours upon end.  The concept of getting together with loved ones is wonderful...until there is no place to escape and the noise becomes deafening. 

Being introverted doesn't mean someone dislikes the holidays. An introvert is not a shy or anti-people person.  In fact they're not even socially anxious.  Being introverted means that someone is drained by too much time with others. An extrovert is energized by people, celebrations and crowds.  An introvert finds the exact opposite in such settings.  

As we approach the holidays- a time of gatherings, celebrations, masses around a table and crowded malls, stores & events - an introvert is sure to have that overwhelmed and drained feeling at least once.   Introverts want to be included, love their people and the holidays but know they must not push themselves too much or the stress gets in the way and they must find ways to re-energize. 

To help prepare you (if you're an introvert) or help a loved one (if you're hosting an introvert) consider the following:  

* Have a list of topics you're comfortable discussing planned in advance. This helps to combat the ambush of questions "tell me all about.....". Having a few one liner replies pre-planned helps to combat the requirement to instantly come up with small talk. For those hosting, don't ambush!   A simple welcome such as "I am so glad you're here. Happy Thanksgiving" is much more welcome than a "tell me all about what's happened since we were last together."  

* Know that it is OK to escape the room for a bit.  Pack a pair of walking shoes for any event.  The chance to escape for a brisk walk outside is not only a healthy option in the midst of mass eating but a welcomed chance for silence too.  Feel confident taking such a walk!  And if someone says they're going on a walk, don't include yourself in their chance for freedom.  

*  Find a way to be involved without feeling overly drained.  Offer to (or accept the offer to) run to the store for the forgotten cranberries.  Offer to/accept help to set the table (alone) or pour drinks.  Go outside to check on the fire or add wood. 

* Bring an activity that encourages quiet time together - or time alone yet with the group.  Large groups are prone to getting loud.  Bring an activity such as an old photo album to share or a puzzle.  You can hide in plain site but not feel so overwhelmed with the requirements to be overly involved.  

* Don't ask the introvert if they're OK.  Don't ask why they're taking an extra long restroom break or tell them they seem quiet.  They need time to regroup, re-energize and have a moment to handle the holidays.  In fact if you know an introvert is attending a holiday- provide ways for them to escape.  Offer them the chance to go into a separate room and read for a moment or encourage a walk.  By granting permission to escape they don't feel guilty doing so.

* It's OK to skip an event or leave early.  There should be no guilt in doing so.  Sometimes enough is enough and leaving when the energy is too low is the best option for everyone. 

These steps are true for children as well. A child doesn't always know themselves as well but parents need to protect them from feeling too drained at the holidays.  These steps can be helpful for children during the holidays: 

* Introverted children should not be forced to hug every relative (this is true for any child- but especially introverted kids.)  

* Don't encourage children to host their own show & tell time i.e. "Why don't you tell Grandma all about your....."  Allow children to share what/when they want.   

* Provide a separate room for children to escape to and have activities prepared for them such as coloring, a movie, permission to read a book or go outside alone. 

* Share the plans with the child in advance of traveling/attending events.  

* Be sure to leave enough time between events for re-energizing and down time. Going from one event to the next is very difficult, espeically for an introvert.  

And while the holiday get togethers are inevitible in many ways, allow yourself the chance to re-energize in ways you want.  Schedule the massage.  Read the book.  Take a long bath.  Sit in the silence with a glass of wine.  These are your holidays too!  

Best wishes & Happy Holidays!