Parent Less....Relate More
Spring Break is around the corner for many students. For many that means travel, relaxing, avoiding the daily pressures of work-school-activities-life balance.
This is a chance to let go. Relax. Have fun. Forget the real world for a week. And while I feel it's a very special time for students (I remember many spring breaks fondly!) it is just as important for families, specifically parents.
Regardless of if you travel or not- choose to see spring break as a time to reconnect and relate more with your children. We are in a world of over parenting where the kids are told what to do basically all day long. From the time they wake til the time they go to bed, they are instructed on what to do. We see fewer and fewer kids outside being creative, having fun, exploring and doing nothing yet having a blast. Kids today don't know how to do this sometimes. It's sad.They look at rooms full of toys and books and are bored. They go outside and are confused on what to do without instruction. We need less structure. More play. More creativity. Less is actually more. And it's true with parenting too.
I noticed a prime example of over parenting when walking home with my kids yesterday. The child (maybe 7 years old) was walking home with their mom who instructed the child the entire way home. "Stay on the sidewalk. Wait at the crosswalk. Hold my hand. Look both ways. Stay on the sidewalk. Walk please. Don't walk in their yard. Do you have your homework- we need to do that when we get home., etc, etc." And that was just in a block of following them. I assume all the child heard was "blah blah blah." Nothing they were doing was wrong. They were walking home on a beautiful day- skipping and having fun. Thrilled to be out of school. And in defense of the mom, she wasn't doing anything wrong either- but was missing a golden opportunity to connect with her kiddo. How much different of a walk would it have been if she joined him in skipping? What if they raced to the corner? Balanced on the curb together? Counted the cars as they passed at the corner? Chased a leaf that was blowing away? Oh the memories that would have made!
We're all guilty of this over parenting sometimes. Myself included. We get so caught up in our own world, our schedule, image, concerns of what others think, what we "should" be doing, what our kids "need" to do. We miss it. 18 years sounds so long until you have a child. And then, in a blink of an eye, those 18 years pass and the graduation gown is worn and *poof* they're off to college, military or work and we've lost it. The time to parent has come and gone. We pray we have done what we needed and wanted during those 18 years- was it enough, did we do it right, do they feel loved, worthy, capable? Did we prepare one of life's most precious gifts for the world without us? Did we fill them with enough love and connection to bring them security, confidence and ability?
Overparenting is not the way to answer those questions with "yes." Connecting is. Having fun. Slowing down and truly relating to them in a way that allows them to build the relationship vs. following the instruction. I find that when we parent with less instruction, what we do say is better heard. It isn't a constant flooding of information that turns into background noise. The messages are valuable, heard and absorbed
Parenting less doesn't mean being an easy parent or setting lower expectations. It doesn't mean the household values aren't upheld or chores and expectations completed. It just means you do it in a manner of relating vs. instruction.
My mom raised my us with the motto "if it isn't illegal, immoral or life threatening- it's not worth the stress." She was right. 18 years will go so fast, I don't want to get caught up on anything that isn't worth it.
And just like that- as I was replaying this motto in my head my kiddo asked to jump in the puddles on our walk home and much to both of our delight- we did!!
